do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
