it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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