The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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