So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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