I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
