Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
