Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
