East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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