If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
