He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
