it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
