Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
