official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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