ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
