So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
