i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
