So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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