i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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