Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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