dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
