So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
