I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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