listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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