I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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