playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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