Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
