Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
