i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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