I think my vagina is haunted
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
