And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
