if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize