Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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