I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so much tequila, so little girl.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm really busy with my period
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