Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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