WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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