I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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