I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
