my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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