I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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