and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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