oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
