Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
