dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
