i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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