we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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