He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
