HIV tests are more positive than that guy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
