Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
