Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
