Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
