Whod you bang
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
