everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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