I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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