i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
