I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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