1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
