____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize