i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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