I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Someone shit on the floor
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize