She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
