First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
