I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
