Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so let's talk penis.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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