Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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