I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
