in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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