When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
